Few days ago I read an article of different ways about how to invite my kid to avoid certain behaviors instead of just saying no.
I guess I misunderstood the message. Understanding the impact of NO is a first step before negotiating other scenarios. In my environment saying -No- used to create an awkward moment for me and still does sometimes.
Saying NO for me, creates guilty. An guilty expects behaviors from myself. Let me explain it in other words. After I read “Del autoestima al egoismo” from Jorge Bucay I didn’t understand clearly what does guilty means, the Argentinian author explains that at the end, guilty is a mirror of finding yourself with the same answer from the person you are saying NO. So that’s when your turn to Yes and create expectations. A false future scenario were you believe this person will say Yes because she/he owns you. It is the anger we feel from our own demands or the demands we expect from others. This description of gulilt is not a rule, but at least that’s the one it make sense to me.
More conscious of the situation every time I say NO, and I feel uncomfortable, I think to myself this feeling is you mirroring. Breathe.
More aware now, the challenge is learn how to say it and I love the way Chef Francis Mallmann address it in his documentary Chef’s in the table “say no, in a good way, but say no”. And tell the true! Yeap! Say it in a good way and with the true, challenging right?
Sebastian, my kid, is growing and he is being more expose to new experiences which is awesome but at the same time it scared me. I strongly believe that when I want to make Sebastian aware of a situation I just need to do it myself. He will just follow. At this age they are sponge!
Food is cultural, it makes family and friends get together and share. When I change my diet I suddenly feel that I didn’t fit in. Not only in food but also we were not liked-minded any more. It’s nothing wrong, people just take different paths and in dialogues there is nothing in common anymore. But as happened in other areas, I started to connect with people sharing similar thoughts and conversations are interesting for me I enjoy my time with this people and this is what it is important for me. I choose and took responsibility of choosing.
However, I don’t live in my own planet well, just in my head. As I said before, my kid and myself are constantly expose to different situations and different ways of thinking -including in between us- and learning to say NO is important.
When people share their intention to feed our bodies or minds with food or behaviors. I try to keep myself conscious of my emotions and aware of what it is important for me. Saying No not always includes a negotiation. Therefore, sometimes I use a strong NO, thank you and some others I negotiate depending on my needs but not the ones created in the roots of feeling myself guilty.